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jessieface&caitmonster

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[Sunday
March 29th, 2009 at 3:02pm]

vileena
 http://community.livejournal.com/madradhair/

why are only fat chicks in this community?
CMNT

[Sunday
March 15th, 2009 at 11:05am]

vileena
 hi. 
so i'm getting into dragonballz. it's actually really badass. and it feels good to be interested in something. especially a cartoon, since there has been a lot of empty space for a long time. i took a bite of a piece of candy last night and i didn't feel like freaking out and eating everything in sight. so thats good. sometimes i think everything is ok, then i have days where i actually think i'm going crazy, and have no idea how to function in the world. it makes me uncomfortable to know that the only reason i am doing well is because i have constant care, supervision, and attention. what happens when i attempt to be an adult again? also, being sober is weird, im realizing how much work on myself i still have left. do you feel scared about your future? or since school is such a concern of yours you don't worry about it much? i'm trying to be as realistic as possible, and then it just spirals into panic.
CMNT

[Sunday
March 8th, 2009 at 8:26am]

vileena
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

 so last night my mom calls me and explains that she had a talk with my dad. apparently she tried to tell him to contact me to "talk" because with all of my issues mixing together to create what im going through, need to be discussed since he was a big portion of me feeling like i wasnt good enough.
he said it didnt matter and hes not talking to me, and that hes not willing to take that step.
shocking.
except, it kinda was... even after everything. me asking at a extremely low point just to have a conversation doesnt matter. im tired of the whole "its not your fault, its his problem". that still doesnt make it easier that i was delt the cards of a father who till this day, refuses to care enough, that does not know how to show love.
he left my moms after the convo pissed off. and normally when that happens, he stops speaking to me, or her, for about 3 weeks. then, since i do not make an effort to contact him, he will call and act like its all cool. im aware hes an ass, but why? he doesnt have the emotional intellect to at least have a conversation with me about what im going through? that feeling of never having closure is annoying. im constantly fighting feelings to care or not to care about people, because me feeling more for them, is the worst experience.

READ CMNT

[Saturday
March 7th, 2009 at 10:20am]

vileena
[ mood | contemplative ]

wasnt he doing well there too? that fucking sucks. hopefully he does better than my dad in getting a new job. ...oops.
so this guy rizzo that also works at apple just got a card for medical marijuana. california is so funny.
i saw the german shep pup last night that justin and sara bought. it pisses me off. they have no fucking idea what they are doing. the dog is 11 weeks old and justin slapped him for peeing on the carpet. REALLYY!!?!?! you NEVER use physical punishment with a puppy, especially if it literally was the first time peeing in front of them. that dog is going to be so fucked up. no matter what i said about it they insisted "i had dogs growing up, its cool", "oh no, we  totally can afford it! btw, im negative in my bank account!". and i just have to sit back and watch them fail and fuck up a dog that shouldn't have been sold to them in the first place.

ahh! i want to get a massage, i want to go shopping, i want to get my nails done, i want to be a girl and playyyy!!
are you here yet!?

CMNT

fagtrain. [Thursday
March 5th, 2009 at 10:40pm]

vileena
[ mood | amused ]

i'm leaving that last post twice because it boggled my mind how to delete one of them.
it has rained every day for the pat week and its pissing me the fuck off. im tired of it being cold. im tired of it being wet. i feel like its constantly raining after being so nice everyday during the fall. when i look at evans profile it makes me wonder about chris and carey and if they have had sex yet. are you away of any facts? last i heard they were still waiting. like, really?

CMNT

hey! [Thursday
March 5th, 2009 at 8:08am]

vileena
[ mood | excited ]


striped hyena puppies :)!
andddddddddddd
da da da da!

my inspiration!
30 minutes till french toast!

CMNT

hey! [Thursday
March 5th, 2009 at 8:01am]

vileena
[ mood | excited ]

striped hyena puppies :)! andddddddddddd da da da da! my inspiration! 30 minutes till french toast!

CMNT

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