Vileena (vileena) wrote in keytons,

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 so last night my mom calls me and explains that she had a talk with my dad. apparently she tried to tell him to contact me to "talk" because with all of my issues mixing together to create what im going through, need to be discussed since he was a big portion of me feeling like i wasnt good enough.
he said it didnt matter and hes not talking to me, and that hes not willing to take that step.
except, it kinda was... even after everything. me asking at a extremely low point just to have a conversation doesnt matter. im tired of the whole "its not your fault, its his problem". that still doesnt make it easier that i was delt the cards of a father who till this day, refuses to care enough, that does not know how to show love.
he left my moms after the convo pissed off. and normally when that happens, he stops speaking to me, or her, for about 3 weeks. then, since i do not make an effort to contact him, he will call and act like its all cool. im aware hes an ass, but why? he doesnt have the emotional intellect to at least have a conversation with me about what im going through? that feeling of never having closure is annoying. im constantly fighting feelings to care or not to care about people, because me feeling more for them, is the worst experience.
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